Category Archives: Hot Drunken Mess

I consider myself a D.I.Y/crafter of sorts, which usually entails reusing different things such as wine bottles. So many things can be made with just one bottle! For instance: sconce, table centerpiece, wall display, flower vase. All these things sound like perfect gifts for friends so I started keeping all of my used wine bottles to accomplish said crafts on the weekends. Has this ever really happened? No. Will it ever happen? Uncertain, but probably not…which I blame on my libra-ness.  I decided to do the right thing and take all the bottles to the trash because to be honest, I’ll have more in no time.

This is when my neighbor stepped in and had an intervention with me. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you but rest assured it is uncomfortable when you try to plead your case that you aren’t an alcoholic. This is of course what happens when you gather 5 months worth of wine bottles and decide to throw them out ALL AT ONCE. Shit, I would think I was a drunk too if I saw me!

I’ve learned my lesson that I need to throw out my bottles in small stages so as not to draw attention to myself. What? Did you think I was going to say drink less wine?! NEVER!!!


Sometimes I get emo at night.  Add in a few glasses of wine and I often start roaming around the internet; I order clothing I can’t afford, furniture I don’t really need, a Rosetta Stone I never use, etc.  However, the other night…I went to a new extreme: I took an online test to see if I’d be a good cop.

THIS TEST to be exact.  Which, after taking another (100% sober) look, appears to really be a test to see if I should major in criminal justice, a la those amazingly awkward TV commercials.  The results were good, guys…I mean apparently I would be a good police officer, which actually makes total sense. I like the law, right?  I mean, I’ve never been arrested.  Hell, I only got one ticket ever and it was for making an “improper left turn” when I was 18 years old.  I speak English fluently, most of the time.  I’m in fairly decent shape.  I’m part Irish (oh wait, that may only be an NYPD thing).  Imagine if I ended up marrying another cop and we had a little cop family?  I might do it just for the pension…

HIRE ME NOW.  I already own illegal pepper spray.

Here are my exact results (I got an 8, FYI):

Scores 7 – 12

You did quite well. What will you do next, perhaps a ride-along? If you have a college degree and a clean record you may qualify for a challenging new career. You may want to learn a little more about the wonderful world of law enforcement before you begin taking shooting lessons.

There’s nothing less sexy to a man than a girl who loves Justin Bieber.  Not saying that I’m a die-hard fan or anything, but when presented with the opportunity to attend the concert for FREE, in a VIP sky box, well…I couldn’t say no.  Enter the free VIP drinks which = ME in a hammered state.  I proceeded to get SO drunk, in fact, that I actually don’t even remember most of the concert.  The last thing I remember is Willow Smith coming out and everyone saying “is that Willow Smith?!”  (She does whip her hair back and forth, FYI.)  Apparently Usher also came out and allegedly, JB played guitar while floating around in a flying heart.  I say “allegedly” because I don’t remember ANY of this.

Even more attractive, I also had to leave my car at the concert venue, taking a $45 cab ride back to my apartment, before passing out in my bed while singing “Baby” to myself.  I woke up at 11AM (2 hours late for work, clearly) and had to call a taxi to take me BACK TO THE CONCERT VENUE, in hopes that my car didn’t get towed.  It didn’t.  I take that as a sign that many people enjoy a good Justin Bieber concert and end up leaving their cars there.  Or not.

Apparently I also texted several of my East Coast friends (again, I’m sorry) and woke up to several texts asking “should they be serving ALCOHOL at a JUSTIN BIEBER concert?”  Apparently not to any 28 year olds, I’ll say that much.